This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
