My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
