PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
