When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
