I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize