Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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