I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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