Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
