So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
