i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
