my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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