I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
