It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize