Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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