She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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