Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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