I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I still have a little drunk in my system
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
