need another drink. this is the easiest way
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
