Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he fucked my hip out of place.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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