Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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