Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
