did you get engaged???
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
