I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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