The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
