Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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