my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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