Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
