found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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