I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
