Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
