Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
