We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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