so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
