don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
