i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
