So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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