Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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