Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
