im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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