I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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