so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
