The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
