You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
