hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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