sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize