he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
