I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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