It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
