the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
