too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
