Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
