is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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