New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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