I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
