From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
