Dual....:-)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
