i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
