You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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