My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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