i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
