im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
