I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize