I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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