he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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