so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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