I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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