is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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