Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize