I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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