eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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