apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
ok first of all what the fuck
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
