I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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