Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
