I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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