My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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