another moral hangover. fuck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
