I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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