I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
