I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize