Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
