I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize