How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
