Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
