Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
