i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
