Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
