Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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