So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
there is glitter all over my balls
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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