i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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