I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
