you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
