Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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