Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
