And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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