Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
