i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
