I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
