So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
