Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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