do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
