I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
